I'm not going to go into too much detail, but Nick had a major set back career-wise this past year. This past month, things have started going in the right direction. He's no longer in the NCM SEP program. He's working at ASU Toronto. And things have been getting better for all of us.

Yesterday he had a meeting with his CO and he informed Nick that he's being sent off to BMQ in August. His real goal is to get off to BMQ before August, but if that isn't possible then August at the latest.

I'm nervous about him being gone for 3 months but this is progress. We aren't too sure what will happen after basic, but it's one step closer to use being posted back to BC. Esquimalt to be exact.

*On a side note: I'm super excited to move to BC. I'm dying to see some of my bestfriends and see new MCF friends*

I'm nervous about being on my own with D, but I have a ton of support around me. I know I can do it. A lot of friends have gone through periods without their husbands for much longer than 3 months. I'm sure if I keep myself busy the time will fly by.

Nick and I rarely get out just the two of us. We haven't found a good babysitter in the area and we don't like to rely on grandparents to constantly watch him. We do get him watched my my in-laws once every few months.

Anyway, Nick has been given tomorrow off so we are going to stick around home for the day. Nick has a CT scan tomorrow night at the hospital so we asked his parents if they could watch D overnight so I could take him. His appointment is at 1945. I'm not sure why it's scheduled for so late, but whatever.

We're dropping D off around 1500 and then go get our taxes done. We will probably get dinner before his appointment. I'm looking forward to it.

This is our first date night in a over 6 months.

If you asked my Grand-Parents they would say yes. I do believe they have camped in every type of weather. They're brave. I on the other hand am not.

Nick and I went camping last year and it was great weather until about 10pm and then it was like God was trying to kill us. It was pouring down rain for like 9 hours. It rained so hard that I thought we were going to drown. Okay, maybe not drown. It did rain a lot. Our campgrounds were pretty packed when we went into the tent. When we go up the next morning, we were the only brave souls who stayed the night. Ya, we weren't brave at all. We didn't feel like trying to pack everything up in the rain. Then we would be soaked and would have to drive an hour. We stuck it out for the night.

It was a great trip until the rain started. We learned our lesson. We need to bring lots of tarps with us next time.

Growing up my Grand-Parents always took us camping. It's one of my fondest memories of my childhood. To this day, the smell of campfire makes me think of them and the great times we had. Once the campgrounds opened up, it was like we lived there. It was great.

Dechlan hates camping. Or he did when we tried to take him. We're going to try again this year. We went camping in Oakville about half an hour away from where we live. It was the hottest day of the year. I was cranky because I had a very bad first degree burn on my chest and shoulders. Dechlan was cranky because it was unbelievably hot and the campgrounds we went to were really boring. Not much to see or do. We ended up going home pretty freakin' quickly.

Nick and I found a campgrounds about an hour or so away, it has a lake, trails and a ton of things to do. Yup, it was perfect. We're going to take Dechlan there this year. Maybe he will like camping after that.

I love camping. I'm dying for camping season to be here already. It's going to be so much fun. I don't know what my childhood would have been like without going camping. Probably pretty boring.

Our family has always had interesting luck with camping. It didn't surprise me when it started raining when Nick and I went camping. Growing up, our motto was 'Don't complain, camp in the rain!'. And we did. Almost every time we went camping it rained at least once. It was fun anyway.

I am so excited that I can sleep in tomorrow!!

I had a stay at home kind of week. I spent my week with my very sleepy boy. Teaching him to write. I even attempted to teach him to read. It didn't go over so well. He did do well with writing though. He is now able to write a D on his own and with a bit of help he can write and E. He's very proud of himself.

Since Nick is back to work, D has been missing him pretty bad. He's attached to his daddy's hip when he's home. It's very sweet.

Well that's all! I'll leave you with a cute pic of D.

             I'm addicted to coffee!


That is all.

Yup, I need to vent. But first, let me give you a bit of back story.

I was born to religious parents. My mothers side of the family is also very religious. I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness. Growing up I was never 100% sure it was for me. Once I hit 18 I decided it just wasn't for me and left. My father had left the religion a few years prior and my brother was never really into it. He went because our parents forced him but never cared for the religion much. I had periods when I felt it was the right thing for me and other times when I wasn't so sure. My mother left just before I did.

I left at 18 and discovered everything I was missing. I got married and had a child. Not the life my family would have wanted for me. They felt I should have married a nice Christian boy and then get pregnant. Nope, I met a man who isn't religious what-so-ever and got pregnant 6 weeks before I got married.

One thing you need to know about JW's, if you leave the religion, they treat you like a freakin' leper. They have nothing to do with you. Basically, if you don't share their views, you may as well not exist. Yes, even if they are your flesh and blood. 

That was what it was like until I went back to the religion when I was about 21. It didn't last long. I gave it a shot. I thought maybe it would be different for me. Maybe I would be interested in the religion again. Nope, I couldn't fully commit. It just wasn't me.

Well, when my family found out I was somewhat back in the religion back then, all of a sudden I existed again. All of a sudden they acknowledged that my son existed. That changed when I left. It was like I dropped off the surface of the earth.

My grandparents are the only real family I have outside my own. I grew up very close to them. I grew up wishing I could be like my Grand-mother. Long story short, I don't have that same dream. Growing up and leaving the religion really made me see the kind of people my family really is.

Anyway, my mother has started back in the religion. I have no real feelings towards it. If it makes her happy, Great! I'm not one to judge on another persons choices. As long as I'm not forced to go back, we're cool.

My grandparents have started talking to my mother again. They ignored her for a good 6 or 7 years. Just like they do to my brother and I. I'm not overly bitter over the fact that they ignore me. Fact is, I'm living the life I want. I'm not letting anyone tell me how to live my life and with whom to live it with.

Earlier in the week, I got a call from my mother telling me that my grandparents said ' How's Carolyn and her son and husband? Sure would be nice to hear from them once in a while...' That made me SO pissing mad. You're going to complain that I don't call you?! Are you freakin' serious?! I'm not the one that stopped taking my calls or emails when I left the religion. Heaven forbid she find out my phone number and call ME! Nope, gotta guilt trip me. My grandfather has been ill and honestly, that's really sad and I've been praying he will be okay. But why does it take one of them getting sick to realize they've been complete jerks to me?

They have burned me more than once. If you ask them though, they will say that I'm the one that burned them. I'd love to know what I did that was so bloody awful. What? Because I chose to follow my heart and do what made me happiest? because I didn't feel like it was right to pretend I was a JW when secretly I didn't fully believe what they believe?  I'm not going to apologize for doing right by myself.


I've never once said I don't believe in God. I've only ever said that I can't fully stand behind their beliefs. It's not for me. I've given it multiple chances and I've always come to the same conclusion. I'm not sorry that I didn't just roll over and give in and stay a JW.


Love me for me or don't love me at all. In the end, it's your loss, not mine. I will not be made to feel guilty for being true to myself. I will always be me. I deserve to be loved for who I am. Just because I'm not a JW doesn't mean I'm not a good person or worthy of someones love and attention.


And that's it. If I continue on, I might actually burst.


I do want to clarify that I am in no way, shape or form saying that I hate the religion. I just hate the way some people treat others and doing it in the name of their God. I believe God is love, maybe you should show a little love and compassion. God would expect it of you.